the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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