i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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