Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
