They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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