I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
