I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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