Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
