Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
