Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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