I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
