can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
