Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
