i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
