Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
