Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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