Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
