Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
