I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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