we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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