I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
