I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
