we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
