Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
