Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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