I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
