Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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