Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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