i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
