I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize