Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
