the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
