i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
