I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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