Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
