I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
