I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
