Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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