But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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