So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
