I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
