shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
