Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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