I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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