put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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