I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
