four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
