Need sex. Gaining weight.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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