i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am one with the molecules
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
