haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
