Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
