She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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