I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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