You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
