I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
