If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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