Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
