Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
