I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
