I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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