I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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