We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize