Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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