so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
