Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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