My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
