Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize