ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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