You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
