i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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