i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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