what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
