Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
