Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
