i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize