You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
