just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just cropdusted the office
They should really pass out barf bags in church
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
