Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
