Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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