She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
