ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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