I will die if light touches me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
